HOW TO STOP SELF-SABOTAGING
Read This If You Are Tired Of Making The "Wrong" Choices...
Welcome to this week’s Substack! In this blog, I will be discussing how to recalibrate after the bullshit you subject yourself to by making the “wrong” choice. This will happen, it is inevitable, but we aren’t in the business of shaming ourselves anymore to become the person of our dreams. With love at the center of everything we do, we can make the right choices (most of the time), and for the times that we don’t, we can use compassion instead of shame to recalibrate ourselves and get back on track. Keep reading if you’re tired of your own bullsh*t…
EXTERNAL FACTORS GETTING IN THE WAY
In today’s world, the majority of us pick up the phone immediately after waking up, even though we know it isn’t good for us. We scroll on an app with other people we don’t even know on it, shouting at us about what to wear, how to act, and what to eat. After anxiously scrolling and feeding our addiction, we begin our day, subconsciously comparing what we eat, what we wear, and how we act to the very people we choose to fill our time with. Usually, we fill our feed with entertainment, people who inspire us, close friends and family, or maybe even people who should have a positive influence on our lives. By spending our valuable time with these engagements we are no longer acting out of our own creative energy. We are giving creative power to our phones and the people we choose to follow for some damn reason, somehow eliminating the trust within ourselves that we are capable of creating a life full of dopamine without it.
Now I am no saint, I fall into this trap often, even if I know it isn’t in my best interest. I usually get fed up with my own BS to the point where I make a better choice to put the phone down, journal, and read, which makes me feel instantly better. It’s one thing to make that decision out of love and care for our well-being; it’s another to make it out of shaming our bad behavior. Hating on ourselves that we doom scrolled, ashamed of our actions for indulging in behaviors we know don’t benefit us, only perpetuates a belief that we will continuously make wrong choices and won’t ever be good enough.
I am here to share that you are only human, living in a society where everyone has normalized making “wrong” decisions, which will inherently go against your inner wisdom of obtaining a healthy, happy life. You have to actively be aware and attuned to what your heart is telling you because something in you is calling for more. We are all aware that individuals online are just a snippet of a human, showcasing what they want to share, and you are a consumer, buying into it for endless entertainment, self-criticism, and/or inspiration, when all along what you’re really after has always been within you. This even applies to myself, I choose to put certain things about myself online, and even though I try to use my content to inspire others I recognize that in doing so, I inherently am contributing to the problem. But to be on the side of inspiring rather than consumeristic habits, I am rooted in my creative source, not avidly trying to search for anything to fill the void within myself. This leads me to how you can find that within yourself so you too can be on the side of inspiration and creative flow rather than the bullshit the world is trying to sell you every day.
HOW TO FIND THE SPARK WITHIN YOURSELF
Personally, when I notice I am overindulging in making the wrong choices, such as not working out when I feel like I want to, eating unhealthy when I want to eat healthier, not putting the phone down even though I WANT TO DO LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE… I usually am operating from a stuck feeling. What I want internally seems either too daunting to act on, or I am choosing to actively shame myself for my choices, thus sinking down a deep hole of self-sabotage with no end in sight. So the million-dollar question is, how do we catapult ourselves out of this stuck feeling?
You have to first find the part of you that wants to snooze the alarm, that doesn’t want to move, that wants to scroll for hours and choose to love the shit out of them. That part of you needs you; they understand why you want to be better, but can’t quite get on board. That part doesn’t want to participate in a fulfilling life because they don’t feel deserving, worthy, or frankly capable of living a life every day that makes them happy. That part is in every single one of us; they aren’t our true selves, but they do come to the surface sometimes, and you have to treat them like a child version of you. To get all parts of you on board, you practice giving yourself love and support, you have to rewrite the story you tell yourself and adopt a new unwavering belief that you are capable and worthy of a life full of meaning, love, and joy. Because the minute we shame ourselves for making all the wrong choices, we give that part of ourselves that doesn’t feel worthy the power to dictate our lives. We turn over the keys, the steering wheel, and the rearview mirror, and start reversing backward into a version of ourselves that doesn’t feel worthy of love, and guess what, you will stay stuck. No matter how much you don’t want to be, you will be there, not understanding how and why you got there. Only love will get us back in touch with who we really are and what we really desire.
After we become aware of the part that isn’t acting in our best interest and love the shit out of this part, then we find that spark of motivation that gets us acting in alignment. You have to believe that the spark comes from within, no external factor in the world can give you the type of motivation that comes from pure love for yourself. You can have all the money, all the followers, and all the distractions in the world, but if that heart of yours is cracked and broken, motivation won’t be sustainable. You will be searching every day to fill that crack through external means when in reality, the one that actually heals and fuels has always been within you. The idea is to nurture this feeling of love for yourself just a little bit each day so it has a lasting effect on all areas of your life, and you can start to be cognizant of the choices you are making.
YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE
In order to act in alignment with what you want, you have to feel worthy of it. It’s not enough to just embody aspects of who you want to become but to really feel like you are deserving of being that person. The truth is, is that the person you want to become is already within you, that nudge you feel, the feelings that arise when you know you aren’t making the “right” decision are just subtle ways your body tells you, “Hey, this doesn’t really align with us anymore”. Start to take these reactions as a healthy alarm system, it’s a natural response showing that you care. Why would we shame the part of us that cares for our well-being?
Let’s rewrite the story we tell ourselves that we suffer from anxiety, that the self-criticism is something we can’t turn off. We have the power to feel differently about the thoughts that arise in our heads. Stop living from the neck up and start living from your heart at the center. Feel and believe that you are worthy of the life you feel so deeply should be yours. Call bullsh*t to anything telling you differently, you aren’t the identity of anxiety, you aren’t the identity of “I am not enough”, and you are more than capable of reclaiming the power back at any moment. So what you sat on the couch for hours, that doesn’t mean you are a piece of shit? You are human, recalibrate, recenter back to the truth of who you are in an instant. At any given moment you make a “wrong” decision, remember you are worthy of love still, and act in a way of who you are and who you are becoming.
If any part of you resonates with the stories I shared, the overall message of healing consider tuning in for my weekly blog. I am just a girl with a big heart who wants to share the very things that have helped me lead a life of love. I appreciate you taking the time to get whatever you needed out of this and keeping an open heart & mind to the possibility of healing your limiting beliefs. Until next time, treat yourself with kindness <3
