Every Main Character Needs an Origin Story
The Beginning of the BS
Written by: Brianna Salzenstein
Assuming you're the main character of your life, what's your origin story look like? Is it a Stephan King film? Maybe those Hallmark movies your mom watches too many times during the Holidays? Perhaps a Series of Unfortune Events (1999)?
Regardless of genre, one thing rings true to every main character: introspection.
These bs blog posts are raw and unfiltered, written by me for you and me both. I say this because your life is represented by experiences, memories, and feelings. By examining my own mental and emotional processes I hope it allows you to do the same. Although, our experiences may be vastly different, that one thing ties us together. And I intend to put it on full blast.
How this chapter started
Truthfully, I didn't go to school to become a writer, hell I went to school and have a fancy degree in you guessed it... some bullshit I never plan on using! Interior Design and Architecture sounds quite enticing but unfortunately for me (and my bank account) the heart wants what it wants. So how did we end up here?
Let me explain, I graduated April of 2021 with no insight on what I wanted to do or who I wanted to become. I knew I wanted out of my tiny bedroom at my moms' house and pondered on how I could replace tiny windows for city views. As they say, bright eyed and bushy tailed (BTW these two phrases were coined independently of each other so not sure how the two were put together for an impeccable phrase to) ... describe Brianna as she explored far and wide on what to do next.
I took various solo trips eager to find a destination to set up shop and finally take charge of my life. Ideally, I'd be making money doing something I enjoy, an apartment I could take pride in, a community to explore, friends to meet up with, and maybe a new blossoming relationship? I mean come on that sounds almost too good to be true. Well, it was just that, too good to be true.
I'd spend the next year in the same bedroom, seeing a therapist weekly, serving at a restaurant I'd never save any money from, and seeking affection everywhere else except from myself. That year I dissected my mental and emotional state to exhaustion. Through trials and tribulations, I discovered I was the only one getting in my own way of living that ideal life outside my bedroom.
Climax (& not the good kind)
Although perhaps we will get into that on another bs post. This climax was a slow burn followed by an unprecedented change. It was a waiting game, I decided in November of 2021 to apply for my Masters that I thought was a guaranteed life plan for at least a couple years. I found out in April I had got rejected and quickly switched plans to pursue being an Art teacher at a middle school. Got a certification (which by the way anyone can basically get a certification, our education department go hand in hand with gun laws) but I digress. I got hired off the first interview, moved to my shiny new apartment (that is half my paychecks) in downtown Tampa and thought I was finally getting the life I had dreamed of just a year earlier.
Then the unprecedented change; my mental health deteriorated fast. I realized quickly that my heart knew what it wanted again, and it wasn't teaching angsty preteens the basic fundamentals of art. I quit the job that was guaranteeing financial freedom and paying for said shiny new apartment, now to start over still bright eyed and bushy tailed.
So the fresh panic attack and heart palpitations led me to a conversation that changed my life. I called my big brother who laid out two options for me, either move back in with my mom and figure it out all over again in the hopes to get it right even though I felt like I was doing it all wrong there. Or change up the environment completely, get uncomfortable and move to Colorado off a very generous invitation from my savior (said brother).
Next thing I knew, my car was packed, my cat was buckled up as a passenger prince witnessing his mom have several mental breakdowns and we were off. Starting a new life in the West, first time being in cold climates, seeing the mountains and having zero idea what to do yet again with her life.
Which leads me to this photo below…
I took this photo maybe 2 days after moving to Colorado. It is a park that was walking distance from my brothers apartment at the time and it brought me so much peace in a time of chaos. I was able to sit and reflect on everything that occurred up until that point trying to understand how I landed here.
Fast forward 2 years later and I not only work at a restaurant on this street but this park is my backyard. I live in an apartment within walking distance, I have sat on the same bench thousands of times between then and now and I often remind myself that I have the power to manifest truly anything. I remember the first time in that park saying “one day I will live near here, I will be happy, in love and at peace”, although not all days do I feel happy, I certainly feel at peace knowing I made my dreams come true.
I got out of my tiny bedroom at my moms, I live in a city of dreams and somehow multiple times along the way I get lost. But that is the beauty of it all, the ebbs and flows of natural order, I am only human for experiencing panic attacks, listening to intuition and letting it guide me where it may. My only job is to trust that process and embrace every moment of uncertainty.
I am now 25 writing this, working still as a server but coming to terms with not having it all figured out. I know in divine timing it will all fall into place, I trust in the universe because I am it.
Perhaps, God or some other spiritual being (we'll call her "the universe") indeed strategically placed every little instance in my path allowing me to sit here on the computer to share with you copious amounts of bs hoping you gain a sliver of insight. Because truly, I believe the two things we have on this Earth is the gift of introspection and the capability to learn from others.
Epilogue
My hope is that this blog allows you to stop, reflect, and adapt your way of thinking so you can rewrite a new origin story for the future version of you just as I have had to do countless times.
