Intuition or Fear?

How to Trust Your Gut and The Pressures of Getting it Right

Written by: Brianna Salzenstein

You know that tiny voice in your head? Mine is screaming at me half the time and the other half its' a slight whisper. The problem with that little voice is its' basically representing every aspect of you, the hurt child, the rebellious teen, the horny college student, the sophisticated adult, and your biggest bully. How do we know which one is speaking? How do we know to trust their opinion? I'm deathly afraid to trust the wrong voice, the one that might have the most control over my decisions. So how do we develop self-trust and what does that look like if everyone around you offers advice that isn't your own.

Gaining Self Trust

We are own worst critic. Especially in this era of mental health awareness and heightened emotional intelligence, we believe that our being knows best. Self-trust is a difficult skill to obtain because we are programed to constantly criticize and compare. In this social media era, we see that others are living out their dreams, doing what makes them happy and a click goes off in our brain something is missing. We want more, we want to align with our values, manifest bigger and better things. Where does it stop though? What does fulfillment look like to you? When do we get to the point where the tiny voice has nothing but praise to say? The answer is impossible for me to decide, to be frank no one has the answer and in my personal nonprofessional opinion I don't think the tiny voice will ever shut up with the bs.

You may be thinking that's quite daunting, but I assure you there are ways to quiet the bully in your head and instead train yourself to speak in a manner that doesn’t leave you feeling null. Recently, I’ve been reading Florence Given’s “Women Living Deliciously” she speaks of this voice that we usually associate as ourselves is really not us at all. It is all the parts of us that are hurt, mirroring every bully we have encountered, every slight comment online, every self doubt we have created of ourselves, this voice isn’t a true reflection of who we really are but yet we spend almost half of our days living with it. So how do we change that voice to a more positive influence?

Chatter

The book “Chatter” by Ethan Kross explores this voice, his research is truly incredible and I recommend reading this book if you too are interested in understanding the conversations we have in our head and the influence that has on us everyday. We talk to ourselves, and what we say in our head, we listen to, so what you have to say is important. The thing that helped me disassociate myself with the negative self talk was speaking to myself in third person in my own head. It felt weird at first to say “hey now, Brianna don’t speak to yourself that way” but it made it feel so real that I wouldn’t speak to my sister that way or my mom, so why myself?

Secondly, halting in your tracks when you notice you are going down a spiral of negativity. It is vital for your wellbeing just like stopping yourself from a doom scroll on social media. Do we do it anyways sometimes? Yes but it is a choice every time we are presented with that scenario, we are the deciding factors of what kind of life we want to live. So similar to that decision on whether or not to get off the couch and put the phone down, we can choose to stop our negative self talk spiral. We can recognize that we aren’t the voice in our head, we choose to be kind to ourselves and redirect our thoughts to something more productive or positive.

Voices From Outside Ourselves

Not only do we have all these voices sitting at the table wanting to be heard, but we have the opinions of loved ones around us that want to put their input in too. I think our support system is important but that's exactly what they should offer: support. Yes, they can challenge our beliefs, offer a new perspective but when it's all said and done, they should respect and support your final decisions. The minute we start internalizing and battling between everyone else's thoughts and our own, we lose self-trust. We start to question if we truly know what's best. No one knows your life and your introspection better than yourself, not a single human can understand all the experiences that make you, you. With that said, how can you live your own life on the sidelines, you control your destiny, you call the shots, and you ultimately have the full picture.

I have struggled with the balance of not only getting advice from others but also self reflecting and trusting the answer that comes with that process. Typically, self reflecting causes me to feel uneasy, waiting for answers, wanting the universe or others to drop the answer from the sky on a flashing sign in clear writing. IT NEVER HAPPENS!! I do this very often, which you can tell by the capitalization I am over it. Rightfully so, I have yet to learn this lesson so it keeps being repeated by the lovely universe, which I respect. But I am here to share that it is okay if you keep repeating the same lessons, it is okay if you just want the answers to land in your lap. Building that self trust takes time and with practice we can learn that it is important to seek guidance but know when it is time to take a moment with your thoughts and just breathe. Sometimes the un-comfortability of not knowing is a tool that will give us the resilience needed for self trust.

Epilogue

My hope is that this blog allows you to stop, reflect, and adapt your way of thinking so you can rewrite a new origin story for the future version of you just as I have had to do countless times.