The Taboo of Quitting
Bullshit Societal Pressures of Staying with a Job
Written by: Brianna Salzenstein
In the summer of 2022, I moved to Tampa, Fl to teach preteens Art at a fabulous Magnet Middle School. After weeks of new teacher training workshops hosted through zoom provided by the district, I felt adequately ready to do a job I've never done before. We had team building exercises with the staff which included an intense game of flip cup at the principal's house. For those that don't know, flip cup is a drinking game that surprisingly teachers in their mid 30s-40s are absolute beasts at. Suddenly, I found myself developing close relationships with the other teachers and felt supported when I was having anxiety about the school year starting in just a few days.
“How can you teach art to our kids if you don't have any experience?"
This and many other questions seeped into every corner of my mind as I held meet the teacher. Doubt is a crippling disease that I unfortunately suffered severely from as I embarked on this new journey. Even though I had anxious thoughts, I stayed optimistic that this was meant for me. Meet the teacher wasn't awful but for my first time standing in front a room full of adults and children commanding a room, I felt so out of place. Coming from the girl who quit her lead role in a school play in 7th grade and freaked out giving presentations on Interior Design projects in college, this idea of quitting came around full circle. I know what you're thinking: clearly this girl isn't a public speaker or singer. But the funny thing was when I'm passionate about something my words come to life, and I can make any platform I'm standing on a stage. Speech class FSU'20; the topic was a persuasive speech and I got up there with full confidence, knocked everyone's socks off and got an A. The difference between the speech and any other time I've freaked out is passion.
Simple Rule: Do What You Love, and You Won't Quit
I am not a singer, I am not an interior designer, I am not a teacher. Each time I stood up in front of others pretending to be inspired, passionate or something I wasn't, I got anxiety. Whether you believe I have stage fright or a quitting personality (things I asked myself too) I challenge you to consider maybe I just knew in my gut that it wasn't who I was. It didn't align with what I saw for myself, and it certainly didn't make my body feel comfortable. But when I stood in front of the class giving the most persuasive essay of my life on a topic close to my heart or doing a 6-month internship at an art museum where my love for art was ignited, boy oh boy did I feel awakened. Comfortable. Assured.
As the first day of teaching approached, I pushed my worries away and decided to give it my all. Surprisingly, it wasn't terrible, but the feeling in my gut never subsided. I stood in front of 30 preteens for 6 one-hour classes realizing I didn't want to do this for 160 more days. I got home from a very long day, with the sunlight dimming, minimal energy, and anxiety through the roof, I entered a very real panic state. A panic attack that physically made me throw up and hyperventilate, then mentally sent me to dark places of thought. All the healthy habits I learned in the year leading up to this was washed away and all the things that made me happy in a days' time suddenly had zero importance because of a new job.
Sunshine fuels me, waking up to music on the tv, creative art journaling, cleaning the apartment, making avocado toast, working out, getting ready, coffee shop with strangers working creatively on projects and once again embracing the freedom of the day ahead. This was my ideal day, a day that wouldn't exist teaching kids from 6am-5pm then 8pm-10pm. The education system in America is fucked, I mean teachers should be making as much as doctors, I can now testify to that strongly in a court of law. My first day of teaching sent my mind into a frenzy and I knew I wouldn't waste another second doing something I know is not for me. Sure, I could've given it some more time, maybe get more adjusted, but ultimately, I knew the kids deserve a teacher that wants to be there, and I deserved a life I wanted to show up for.
Your Body Knows Best
Following these events, I had to quit and face the judgement from everyone. This included family, friends, supervisors, therapist, aunts, second cousins, my cat and the worst person of all; me. In reality, no one actually judged me and if they did, I wouldn't know otherwise so what evidence did I really have? At first, I wasn't sure what angle to approach it ... should I tell everyone it just wasn't for me? Say I had a mental break down? Admit I was terrified? Whatever I went with I knew a label would come with it, either quitter or mentally unstable. But I soon found out no one really cared, instead everyone was incredibly understanding and supportive. My decision was being encouraged by my therapist, understood by my family, supported from my friends, and even respected by other staff members.
Before being comfortable with this decision to leave my steady income job that was inherently the reason I moved, I faced so many bullshit pre-programed societal pressures that lived in my head rent free. Maybe I could blame ironically some teachers I had, my parents, social media or just my own pre-conceived notions but it didn't matter, either way someway along the line, I learned that sticking up for myself suddenly came second to "professionalism". That corporate America had a hold on us, and our mental health was at the palms of their hands. I was rewriting the lines I learned, "stay with a job for at least 3 months before resigning", "give a two weeks' notice", "you don't want to be labeled as a job hopper for future employers". Blah, blah, blah, the first thing that pops up on google when you search "want to quit a job I just started" is "you should stay for 3-6 months" according to important person of some bullshit. Well, I'm here to call bullshit, because I promise you nothing comes before your yearning for a happier, healthier life.
The funny thing is everyone is always advocating for prioritizing mental health now, I mean hell even companies say it's their number one consideration with their employees, but yet when it comes down to the employee not being satisfied there's a pressure to stay for the sake of the company. I promise you, there will always be someone to fill your position, the company will be okay for the time being and no one I mean no one can tell you that your reasons for quitting are not valid. Listen to your body, because it always knows best and will lead you to the things meant for you.
I find that over time, I have faced many moments where I have questioned whether I faced Intuition or this notion of being a quitter. Distinguishing the line is hard, it is a bit blurry, but one thing I know for certain is your answer lies in the stillness of your own voice and not amongst the noise of others.
Epilogue
My hope is that this blog allows you to stop, reflect, and adapt your way of thinking so you can rewrite a new origin story for the future version of you just as I have had to do countless times.
